Going the Distance - A Three Act Play

"Where there is no struggle, there is no strength. " - Oprah

A decade.

Yep, Mr. Ostrich and I have been together 10 years....with no mini breakups in between {you know, like Ross & Rachel's "We were on a BREAK!"}.

It's been a blast - he's my best friend, we spend too much time laughing and we love each other to pieces...

"But 10 years?!" {this is the typical reaction we get, complete with wide eyes of disbelief} Yeah, the length of our relationship has baffled and frustrated most of our friends, colleagues...even neighbors. {thank goodness for our non-judgy families - whew}.

I like to tell the story of our wedding pressure in Three Acts.

ACT ONE:

Around the...oh, I don't know, 5 year mark {I was 26 and the first major wave of girlfriends were starting to get engaged}, I was a bridesmaid at 2 of my best friends' weddings  and the invasive questioning began. 

"So I bet next year it'll be you & Mr. Ostrich!"

"Have you and Mr. Ostrich talked about getting married yet?"

"What kind of wedding are you and Mr. O going to have?"

Oh, and the bouquets? Strategically thrown at yours truly. And the garters? Yep, fired away at poor Mr. Ostrich.

We'd smile and repeat the same responses we always did, "Oh, you guys know more than we do!" "Why ruin the surprise?"  and "When we do, you'll be the first to know."

{The Ostriches in Japan}

INTERMISSION:

By this time, Mr. Ostrich and I had figured out we were going to be life partners. But we didn't feel the burning desire to get engaged or have a wedding. We felt confident in our relationship and for us at that time, getting married was just the "legalization" of it all. It was a really expensive party to celebrate our love and since we would pay for it on our own, we opted to spend that money on the things that we wanted to do at that moment- traveling. Then we needed a new car. And those fabulous shoes....and that Chloe handbag...you get the picture.

So we figured when the time was right and we'd saved up the funds, we'd get married. But there was no deadline, no scheduled savings plan. We never went ring shopping, but we did share our dreamy ideas of our perfect beach wedding every now and then over waffles and steak & eggs. The rest? We left up to the powers of fate and time.

{My Work Team @ our Holiday Party - 9 of the 13 girls were engaged/married at the time}

ACT TWO:

Let's see, it was year 7 and something was in the water at work, because all of the young assistants came in each week with a dazzling ring and a hopelessly romantic proposal story...including my assistant. And every time there was a new engagement, the girls felt awkward telling me, I guess because they were afraid I'd burst into tears of frustration like some of the other girls had {it was practically a sorority}. And every time Mr. O and I would go on vacation, there would be bets placed on if I'd come home engaged or not. Then finally, one of the young brides in my office turned to me one day and said, "Miss Ostrich, all I want is for you and Mr. O to get married."

It was sweet that she was really rooting for us.  But in my heart, we were everything a married couple was, just without that darn legal certificate. So what was the big deal about? Why were people so obsessed with us getting married?! WE weren't obsessed with us getting married...but, because of all this watercooler talk, I was starting to feel like that was weird, like I was breaking some secret wedding rule.

{me and some of my fellow BM's @ B's wedding}

ACT THREE:

Year 8 and a half. I'll never forget it. One of my bestest girlfriends, who had tried her luck at love and dating throughout the 8 years I had known her, had met an awesome guy and less than a year later he popped the question. They were getting married, I was a bridesmaid and the wedding was the day before my 30th birthday.

Every time I ran into my upstairs neighbor, she asked me when Mr. O was going to propose. I ran into her a lot.

And every time I saw my cousins they would say, "What is he waiting for? You don't deserve to wait around forever!" One cousin even had a guy she wanted me to meet. Seriously?!

Chip, chip, chip....all this stuff, after all this time, was starting to wear me down. I started to feel like Beth, Jen Aniston's character in "He's Just Not That Into You." 

"So if I hear a story about a girl who's been with a guy for 3 years and he finally married her, that's the exception...But for guys like Neil, who are with girls like me...for 7 years and aren't married...they're never getting married."

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And that's when the wedding interrogations started to really bug me. I felt like people didn't consider us a legitimate couple because we weren't married. And the fact that we'd been together for so long and weren't married - well, there had to be something wrong with us, right? I was frustrated that our relationship was being judged and compared...and I wanted to hide and everyone to leave us alone.

On the outside though, I kept myself together. I could never let Mr. Ostrich know about these ridiculous thoughts - it would make him feel bad because I knew that we were saving for our own day...but when was that going to be? "Probably another year," I concluded, after doing some quick math in my head. "One more year."

A few months later, my best friend, B, got married and it was beautiful, perfect and I was so thrilled for her. 

The next day I turned 30.

The day after that, Mr. Ostrich proposed.

EPILOGUE:

After we got engaged, I asked Mr. O about why he picked the day after my birthday. 

"I had a deadline for myself. In your 20's, you and I did everything we wanted to do, independently, with our friends and together as a couple. For your 30's, it'll be a new chapter, for us...and I wanted you to start your 30's with that promise and a ring."

Looking back on our crazy 10 years together, I'm really really happy that we waited until now to tie this knot. Here's why:

GROW, GROW, GROW:

These years have allowed me to grow independently - in my career, relationships with friends and family and emotionally. When I was 21 {when I first met Mr. O}, I was like Julia Roberts in Runaway Bride - I didn't know what kind of eggs I liked...I was a chameleon, falling in love with new things and trying new personas on for size. Now, I know not only what I like {eggs, poached} but what I want my life to look like...now I just need the directions :)

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GIRLS JUST WANNA HAVE FUN:

Don't get me wrong - Mr. Ostrich and I love hanging out with each other. But our friends and family are also super important to us and we wanted  to have a few adventures with them, independent from each other. So every week, we have our "girls" or "guys" night....and that's when I get to dance it out! And every couple months, there were the crazy vacations. Now, our friendships are stronger than ever and we have some hilarious memories to look back on.

 {painting the town in nyc}

LEAN ON ME: 

Over the course of 10 years, drama and hardship will find a way to rear their ugly heads. Financial hardships, family deaths, career slumps, family illness - the hurdles came fast and furious...and they were brutal. But we leaned hard and held on tight. And knowing that we made it through these times gives me the confidence that we can get through anything together.

{the Ostriches @ Outside Lands Music Festival, 2010}

Now it's your turn, Bees - How long have you been with your fiance? And for those who experienced wedding pressure from friends and family {or nosy neighbors}, how did you deal?

Buy It Now

"To send a letter is a good way to go somewhere without moving anything but your heart. " - Phyllis Theroux 

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When it comes to online wedding shopping....I know we all loooooove Etsy (yours truly included), but Ebay and it's "Buy It Now" button have been just as helpful on my quest for those little, thoughtful details that us brides to be feel like make all the difference....

Like stamps!

Postage stamps. Yep, add this one to the pile of details that I'm crushing on and spend way to much time searching for. I think it may date back to my pen pal letter writing days way back in the day - writing letters in purple pen, sprinkling a few glitter stickers on the envelope seal and mailing it with a few butterfly postage stamps. This was the best kind of mail I ever found in our mailbox.  :)

Fast forward to present day. For our wedding invites {which should be finished any minute now!}, I'm hoping to decorate our envelopes like this....

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Ok, maybe not 10 different types of stamps. That might put me over the edge. But I am really a fan of how this little "mosaic" of stamps gives the envelope so much personality!

And thanks to the wonderful world of Ebay, I've found an awesome stamp-obsessed seller who is selling every possible stamp I would ever want. 

Want to see a few? 

A heart, some Hawaiian Surfers, L-O-V-E, vintage Air Mail and exotic flowers....all symbolize something about our beach wedding and look fun side by side...

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What about you, bees? What stamps will you be including for your STD's and Invitations? What other thoughtful details are you having fun with?

A Bee's Life - Ostrich Style

"Experience is not what happens to you. It is what you do with what happens to you."
- Aldous Huxley

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When I heard that "A Bee's Life," was making a comeback, I was stoked - see, I heart this little series and it gave me the best advice when I was a WannaBee that I could only return the favor and share with the hive my Ostrich experiences so far...  :)  Are you ready? Here we go!


How Did I Find Weddingbee?

I owe my introduction to the wonderful world of Weddingbee to my college friend {and sorority sister}, Mrs. Eggplant. She's always been a blog whiz and when she joined the hive, I followed her posts as a way to stay connected to her post college. At the time, the words "engaged" and "wedding" were not yet in the Ostrich vocabulary, so Weddingbee was the first wedding website I had ever visited. But I had no desire to gaze at gowns or table decor - I was there to support my friend! But every so often, a sparkly or colorful something from another Bee's post would catch my eye and off I went....click click click. D.I.Y projects! Inspiration photos galore! And most importantly, a sea of funny and heartfelt confessions from real girls as they stumbled through their way to their wedding of their dreams. Suddenly, the idea of a wedding ceased to be a big, scary ceremony to me. It was an experience, a wild and unpredictable adventure, and this site shared their stories that I could follow and learn from, even if I wasn't a bride.

And just like that, my love affair with Weddingbee began.

My Application Story:

When I first discovered Weddingbee, I was a far cry from a blogger. I was a voracious reader {and still am!} but the combination of me being instinctively shy and ridiculously private didn't make blogging a very sexy idea to me.

About a year ago, though, I gathered up enough guts to start my own little blog that shared things that I did and stuff that I loved. And it wasn't terrifying...it was exhilarating! The best part? That first comment - that first connection from a girl, somewhere else in the world, that liked the same things as me, dreamed the same dreams I did and was inspired by what I wrote.

Then, Mr. O proposed, and suddenly I was thrust headfirst into the wedding universe. Flowers, Vows, Processional Lists, Escort Cards, Invitation Wording, Etiquette? It made me dizzy. I had so many questions - some of them big and many of them small. But I only have a handful of close friends who've had a wedding adventure, but no one that was engaged. I wanted to find a place that I didn't feel silly asking questions about etiquette that maybe everyone else might know, express my horror when I received my first floral price quote, share my delight when I received my invitations in the mail and shout from the rooftops when I'd found the cutest, cheapest cupcake toppers on etsy. And I wanted a diary of my own wild wedding adventure....to share with future bride to bees down the road who may be as dizzy and daunted as I once was and so that when that chapter has finished, I could always look back and remember how awesome it all was.

So I poured everything I had into my 15 application posts, took a deep breath...and sent it in.

And I waited....

....and waited.

The waiting was the most awful part. When  they tell you it could take up to a few weeks, they're not kidding! So, for those of you who've applied or are thinking about it, I'd convince yourself that your notification email won't arrive in your inbox for at least a month. If it comes earlier - awesome!  If not, you'll be experiencing other new wedding-y things in the meantime...instead of anxiously clicking the "refresh" button on your email, like me!

Finally, on the morning of a day where I was convinced I wouldn't hear from Pengy, I did. And to echo all the other Bees, my heart thumped in my ears and leapt out of my chest when I saw the email pop into my inbox. And then, when I saw those words, "You'd be a great addition to the Weddingbee team..." I smiled so big, felt so ridiculously happy, found my favorite icon - The Ostrich - and began my crazy little life as a Bee.

On Being a Weddingbee Blogger:

The Investment:

It's never a dull moment. Ideas are whirling through my head every minute as I try and make sense of them and string together 3-4 posts each week. It's a juggling act, compartmentalizing work, home, wedding and Weddingbee into 16 hours each day {i gotta have my 8 hours of sleep!}.

It's like being in a serious relationship. I can't just flaunt in and out when I feel like it. I have to be ready and willing to put myself out there to the hive, good and not-so-great, and take them with me along this wedding journey of mine.

New friendships at your fingertips:

We're everywhere...seriously! After a few months as a Bee I was lucky to attend an informal San Francisco Bee meetup, organized by Mrs. Dumpling, who happened to be in town that weekend. And on that rainy day, I got to share, laugh and grub with 5 awesome Bees - Mrs. Dumpling, Mrs. Pretzel {she was in town too!} , Mrs. Spaniel, Mrs. Duckling and my dear friend, Mrs. Eggplant. The Bee meetups are a ton of fun and make the experience so much more than an icon and a website...you can make a few great friends along the way, too.

And guess what? This hive? It's full of so much love, support and all that warm and fuzzy stuff us brides need when we're knee deep in stress. I always thought, when I was just a reader, "I've learned so much from the Bees." Now, as a Bee, as I read all of the thoughtful, wise comments to each of my posts, I've realized this relationship is a 2-way street - I've learned so much from all of you! And that's what has made my experience so fantastic so far.

Last but not least:

So if becoming a Bee sounds like something you'd want to do, here's my three cents -

1. Write fearlessly, from your heart, about topics that you care about.

2. Quality is key - a few posts about those thoughts, dreams and fears that we live through as brides and the experiences that have shaped us along the way will allow your unique personality shine through the words...and may encourage a few readers out there, too.

3. Have fun! Take a stroll through the boards, connect with those Bees you are a fan of......and enjoy every minute of it.  :)

Whew! Thanks for listening to my little story! And a hundred thank yous for making the Weddingbee so awesome!

Will You Be There?

"Good friends are like stars.... You don't always see them, but you know they are always there."

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When Mr. Ostrich & I first got engaged....I didn't want any maids of honors or bridesmaids.

Was I being ridiculous? Maybe. But we had also agreed on a small {50 people) wedding and in that group of people would be my very bestest girlfriends. And if I really decided to have bridesmaids, knowing my indecisive self, there would be more people standing up front than sitting in the audience.

So what happened to this master plan of mine?

Mr. Ostrich decided he wanted his 3 "best men"  & 1 "best girl {his honorary sister}" standing by his side.

"No question." he said simply. "These are my bestest friends who have been there - from couple fights to way-too-drunk nights - every single time."

Ack. So I had to face my fear of picking a bridal party. And if there is one thing I absolutely dread, it's excluding people. I love all my friends for different reasons and they've all helped me at different stages along my wild ride of life....what makes only a few of them bridesmaid-worthy?

{source - our labor of love}

So one night, armed with a big bottle of red wine and a lifetime of memories, I found my 3 "best girls" & 1 "best guy."

Looking back, I had originally thought many of my friends deserved to be a bridesmaid for one reason or the other - "We've known each other since we were 6," "We were inseparable since high school," "We spent the whole summer together," and of course...."I was a bridesmaid in her wedding."

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But this time, instead of looking back, I started to look forward..."Who's pushed me to be a better partner to Mr. O?" "Who do I confide in when I've royally screwed up in that crazy little thing called life?" and "Who do I call, when I'm terrified, shattered and shame spiraling, to be there with a case of wine and a shoulder to sob on?"

For this incredibly private Ostrich, when everything is rosy I love to confide in my many wonderful friends. But when I'm in a dark and twisty place, it's an entirely different story. I hide, shut down and try to deal with it on my own instead of burdening my friends with my drama. But there has always been a few who know me better than I sometimes know myself and have, like Mr. O said, "have been there...every single time."

And that's when I found them....my best girls & guy...my source of strength, love and all that warm and fuzzy stuff.

First up? 

V, my high school bestie and world traveling partner. We've shared our big dreams and our private hearts with each other since the tender age of 15. And while she is one of the most fiercely independent gals I know, she is also the most reliable, supportive, non-judgemental friend a girl could ever wish for. 

{Me & V in Rio de Janeiro, May 2010}

Then there's A, my sister in more ways than one. She and I met when we pledged for our sorority many moons ago and have been inseparable ever since. And if she didn't let me use her ID ten years ago, I never would have met Mr. Ostrich! She's always been my quiet pillar of strength,  and I'm so lucky to be the godmother of her magical, 1 year old son.

{Me (changed out of my bridesmaid dress) & A on her wedding day, 2006}

Ah, BB. That's her, my red headed partner in crime. We've known each other 10 amazing years and from 80's dance parties, shopping sprees, movie dates, holiday baking extravaganzas, endless phone therapy sessions and our 2 years working side by side {she was my boss!}, she is the fiercest, most selfless friend and sister a girl could ever dream of. She's "my getaway car" - the girlfriend I call when I have the urge to run away from a problem. And her grandfather? He's the brilliant jewelry designer that helped Mr. Ostrich design my engagement ring.

{Me & BB her NYC apt, 2008}

And last but certainly not least, my best guy.

My little bro.

Well, he's taller than me by many inches now but he's technically 1 year younger. But growing up and until this day, he's always been my bestest friend in the whole wide world, my protector in life and biggest fan. He's been there when no one else was....and vice versa. We talk on the phone every day and I wish for nothing more than for him to live the most amazing, blissful life a person could live. I adore him beyond words and will protect him until the end of time.

{Me & Bro in the Philippines, 2005}

Now it's your turn, bees! How many people are in your bridal party? And what made these few stand out in your life? 

Put a Ring On It

"I'll buy you a diamond ring, my friend If it makes you feel alright."
- The Beatles

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Sometimes, when I am knee deep in vendor emails and wedding to do lists, I like to stop...take a break...and gaze at some pretty pictures...

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...of some of the beauties I'm considering for my wedding ring.  :)

I am a libra, which makes me ridiculously indecisive, but if there is one thing I know for sure, it is that, like the wonderful engagement ring Mr. Ostrich helped design, I love vintage and vintage inspired designs. And the more Art Deco, the better!

Filigree, bezel, sapphires and white and rose gold....you're all soooo pretty. How can a bee pick just one?

The ring above has a softer, more modern spin on some of the vintage rings I've been eyeing, which is refreshing. and that warm white gold shade is so lovely.

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This girl has the filigree details like my engagement ring, so together they would be a perfect pair...but do I have to wear them together? A girlfriend of mine has a gorgeous gold wedding band one hand and her platinum solitaire engagement on the other. "We loved the idea of matching gold bands," she said simply. And just like that, my whole perception of having to wear the 2 rings together vanished...and a zillion other options came into play!

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This beauty has and old, elegant soul and I think she'd look amazing on her own and a unique complement to my e-ring if I decided to stack them...

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And last but not least - beautiful blue sapphire. I had been hell bent on adding sapphires to my dream engagement ring but scrapped the idea later, convincing myself that I could give  Mr. Ostrich the brilliant idea to design another deco ring - this time sapphire - for a milestone anniversary.

But every time I see a sapphire engagement or wedding ring, my heart aches with envy. And now I realize that I kind of - actually, really - want to have a few sapphires in my wedding band. This diamond and sapphire deco duo is my idea of perfection...and could still hold its own next to the e-ring!

I have about a month before I have to pick the lucky one...and I would L-O-V-E your thoughts, fellow bees! You all have such stellar style!

And what about the not-wearing-the-two-rings-together idea? Do you plan on  or already stack your rings? Or do you flaunt them separately? Help a fellow bee out!

Glitterati

"I am like a falling star who has finally found her place next to another in a lovely constellation, where we will sparkle in the heavens forever." - Amy Tan

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If you were to peer into my puffy white thought bubbles, this is what you'd see....

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A party of sparkly silver glitter letters, spelling out words like:

"finally!"

"we do!"

&

"me + you"

Hooray for romp, the cutest online shop that actually sells these sparkly beauties! I think this could be a fun way to do an entrance banner for our little welcome table...or draped between me & Mr. Ostrich's reception chairs....like one inspiring bee, the fabulous Mrs. Frozen Yogurt, did for her sweet day!

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What fun things are you decorating your welcome table and reception chairs with?

Man's [Second} Best Friend

"Clothes make the man." - Mark Twain

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For every dashing groom {well hello, paul newman}, there is always one thing in common...

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The links. 

Cufflinks, the closest thing to earrings for our guys, come in a gazillion shapes, colors and sizes. And they are a super fun way to add some of his quirky, winning personality into that wedding day ensemble of his.  :)

You could go classic, you know, those plain silver circle or square ones...

{classy ralph lauren}

You could be colorful....{Mr. O thinks minis are funny and he loves paul smith!}

{mini cuff links by paul smith}

You could be sporty...{GO GIANTS!!! YEAAA!!!}

{sf giants cufflinks}

Or, could could go Napoleon style!

{canine cufflinks via source}

One of my favorite {British} sweater designers gifted me a pair of vintage sterling silver pembroke welsh corgi cufflinks a few years back to give to Mr. O. And when I saw his mile wide, christmas day smile I knew that this would be the pair Mr. Ostrich would wear the day we said 'I do."

And for my fellow dog loving bees,  A & L Home has the most fantastic collection of canine cufflinks {they have cat ones, too!}. Lo and behold, they have corgi cufflinks, too!

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Now it's your turn, bees! What links are your groom's sporting on your wedding day? Classy, Sporty, Quirky or Funny? Let's discuss!